Miraculous Rebirth: a New Breath, a New Year
This weekend, I had my 36th birthday.
When I was younger, I thought my life would feel "over" by 30. What a strange way of thinking we have when we're younger. I remember thinking both that my life would be better when I was an adult and could make my own decisions but that it would also be horrible because I would be "old". Maybe it speaks to the joys of youth in some way, but honestly, I wasn't that happy, overall, when I was younger...I really didn't like myself and always daydreamed about a different life in a different place. It's interesting to me that when we're younger, we do see that gaining agency will heal and empower us, but we don't account for the beauty and strength found in all these accumulated experiences.
We don't yet know that it will change us on a fundamental level, making us born anew each year, each month, and in each moment that we choose to be fully here, fully awake, fully alive.
I am so grateful to have had such a wonderful birthday, made so by sunshine and the heart-filling energy, love and light of beautiful family and friends. That evening, as the day was winding down, I sat on my front steps listening to the hum of passing cars interspersed with total silence and the warm evening breeze. I felt so at peace, so complete, and so sure and grateful for the abundant and expansive year that has just begun. I'm still letting it wash in and over me. It's the most beautiful peace I think I've ever known.
This past year has been a difficult, beautiful, deep inner journey of shadow walking and healing for me. As that year dies away and this new chapter begins to unfold, I can truly say that I've found a place so deep inside my own being-ness, I'm still absorbing the awe and wonder of it all.
Years of heartache and struggle and feeling, at times, complete despair and hopelessness (not to diminish the love and beauty that I also experienced). And then years of awakening and grinding through the shadow work. And then, suddenly, I find myself standing on new ground, the most nourishing fertile ground I've ever stood on and it belongs to me in a way that can never be taken away. It's not flawless or idyllic because nothing truly is. Life is paradox and opportunity for growth. And it's perfect and it's whole and was all inside me all along.
The cosmic mystery and miracle of it all is that I and everything I touch truly does get more interesting, more wondrous, more peaceful, and more complete with each day, step and breath I consciously experience, take, and create.
I wish this for everyone.
I wish for you today, that you close your eyes for a moment and feel into yourself a little more deeply.
I wish for you today that you find that place within you that no one and no thing can take away.
I wish for you today to feel the miraculous and recognize that it is YOU that is the miracle, my friend. YOU ARE THE MIRACLE.
THANK YOU to all of my beloveds, my teachers, my mentors, to those who have held me when I wept, to those who have inspired me to laugh and walk in the sun, and to those who have always loved and truly seen me.
I SEE YOU, I am holding SPACE FOR YOU, and I LOVE YOU.